For a simple map of Quonsettville, click here.
The town population, until librarian Euphoria Rivers left town in June 2019, was 6,874.
Harley Pontchartrain is the editor of the local paper The Quonsettville Quacker. His real name is Harlequin, but no one calls him that.
Harley’s wife Bernice is The Quonsettville Quacker‘s recalcitrant office manager. It is Bernice (not Harley) who has distributed the shitlist across town. The list has not even been published in the paper, though it was sent to Harley and he was the first person to read it. (See One Fine June Morning.)
Besides Euphoria Rivers; her husband P.P. and her sisters Euphratia LaBeau and Eugenica Hunnicutt; her children Cissy, Gary and Preston Junior; her grandson Preston III (aka Three-Pee) and her five other grandchildren, various other characters have been invented for The Shitlist so far, and they are listed below. While many of them are inventions of other writers involved with the project, one or some might have a background part to play in your own Shitlist story.
Rickard Wheeler is the local John Deere dealer.
Rickard’s son Tristan owns and runs an art pottery business called Potty Mouth.
Henriette De Poset (Posey to her friends) is Tristan’s business manager / personal assistant / promoter.
Sanjeev Gupta, who is quite possibly the only man from India living in Quonsettville, runs the Irving gas station on Lapierre Street.
Larry Lupone, the special needs attendant at the Irving gas station.
The late Mrs Florenza Fayette was Euphoria’s immediate predecessor as Chief Librarian. In her will, Florenza left her body to science.
Florry Fayette (niece and goddaugther to Florenza Fayette) volunteers at the municipal library on Fridays.
Florry’s Uncle Gene is a trustee of the library.
The Town Clerk is Daniel Dubonnet, cousin to Euphoria on her mother’s side. Daniel Dubbonet’s wife is Debbie Delibes Dubonnet.
Delmar H. Dickerson is a local handyman.
Rich Evans owns and runs the Quonsettville Pharmacy. He is assisted by a young red-haired woman named Pru, who is headed for Smith College in the fall.
Labette Luricoix works as an administrator for the local school district.
Valletta Vale teaches some of the dark arts at the LaChute Community Center.
Ninette Nebulouse is a local cineaste and would-be festival organiser.
Prof. Hubris Braggadocio is a retired history professor and lives on Sweetspot Street.
Portia Gorger is an 18 year old trainee librarian who works at the library Monday to Thursday, from 10.00am to 4.00pm. Some weekday evenings, she spends time studying to be a nail technician.
Dexter Nail, son of a prominent family, who’s had a lot of dead end jobs and then decided to write a book.
Nail family relatives, who include a State Senator, a doctor and the City Judge.
Estelle Burgstaller, accompanist on the piano for local dance classes, and other individual students
Francine Stutgart, former Mahjong player, Poetry group member and now resident of a nursing home in Fourway Corner.
Pastor Michael Burton, who ministers to the flock at Redeemer Bible Church.
Jane Burton, Pastor Burton’s late wife.
Dayman de Malville, rude and reprehensible 13 y.o.
Taylor de Malville, miscreant mother and dance class attendee
Barly and Marly Treppedo, reprehensible twin teens
Herman Peddly, retired judge
Hawthorne Peddly, wife of the retired judge
Theodore LaMare, late banker
Renetta LaMare, widow of Theodore LaMare
Chuck Hard, janitor at the LaChute Community Center
Tully Rapshire, owner of the Angry Squirrel Pool Room
Conquetta Rapshire, Tully’s wife
Frank Hauser, construction worker and next-door neighbor of Euphoria Rivers
For some interesting facts and figures about Euphoria Rivers, click here.
For the story that sets the scene for this project, One Fine June Morning, click here.
Find out about things currently concerning small towns in Vermont by clicking here.